Behind the Scenes: Serenity now!

I've been procrastinating this post because I still haven't found the best way to address this topic, nor the right tone to take. Living abroad is hard, living in Georgia is hard. I'm now on my second lap here in Georgia and I am doing fewer things for the first time which helps to create a sense of normalcy, yet still things are hard. This isn't my first time living abroad. When I was 19 I moved to Brazil and spent two years living and working there as well. My time in Brazil often stands as a good foil or at least parallel for comparing and contrasting my time in Georgia. I suspect that much like my time in Brazil my time in Georgia will be viewed with more fondness and positive emotion when I am no longer in the middle of it. Peace Corps is one of those experiences where when taken as a whole is definitely a net positive experience and something that is very much worthwhile. However, were you to take a sampling of my mood and sentiments at some random point in during my service the answers in the moment might not represent the overall feelings. (Are you still following me?)

Just a behind the behind the scenes photo shooting action

I have now been here for 18 months and I am tired. It is exhausting to have to answer the same questions everyday especially when the question itself can be offensive or you can't answer truthfully. It is exhausting to have to realign your expectations and try and keep yourself from getting upset. It is exhausting to try and navigate confusing cultural situations where you don't want to offend anyone. There are a lot of things that are just exhausting. (I'll add as a disclaimer that I don't stand out as much as other volunteers, especially people of color, I can't imagine having to deal with the attention and others issues they face on a daily basis.) I miss the comfort and familiarity of living in a culture that I know and understand.

The mountains of Racha

Over the past year and a half, I have come to appreciate the attribute of resiliency, or the ability to bounce back. Developing resiliency is an important part of living abroad. I am a fairly resilient person, and I haven't found it terribly difficult to bounce back after disappointment or frustration. However, that bounce back can take you higher or lower than the original starting point (think of a rubber ball bouncing, sometimes higher sometimes lower). Tips for building this resilience generally include ideas such as: building relationships, finding meaning/purpose, recognizing the small successes, re-framing your experiences in a positive light, and taking care of your personal wellness (all areas). This is all great advice, but I will tell you- it is still hard. I am sure you have heard of the serenity prayer-

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

That is basically a life motto nowadays, especially the last line. At least I am no longer banging my head against the wall trying to change problems that I can't or which will require more than just my personal efforts.

Literal comfort food

Here are two recent examples of frustrations I have had (please try not to judge me if they seem petty)-

Two weekends ago I took a trip with some friends to visit the mountainous region of Racha. We had a great weekend planned and were excited to get out into nature. Due to it being the off season and the lack of good tourist information online it was hard to pre-plan all of the trip, but we were willing to go in and stay flexible with our plans. Over the course of the weekend I can count 4 instances where I was told that the price for a service- lodging, food, transport, would be one thing and then at the end it was another. That is a very frustrating situation to be in, especially because it leads you to feel like you are being taken advantage of but you don't/can't cause a scene because you are trying to represent the US well and because you don't want to create any problems for the Peace Corps. I had to spent a lot of time alone in my room to try and decompress after I made it back home from that trip.



Next, we had a volunteer Halloween party this weekend and I had coordinated with a restaurant to reserve the private upstairs portion and have some food and music. It was supposed to be a volunteers only party for safety reasons and we were all looking forward to getting together to relax. The restaurant was so nice and they decorated the place and made it look great. As time went on we began to notice more and more locals showing up and realized that the employees were inviting their friends over because they didn't have to work or wait on tables like normal. They would just come and hang out in our party. Not great but not terrible. However as it got later these extra guests began to make demands like, "We've been listening to your music all night, let us put on our music and do some dancing." At which point some locals went to my computer and just changed the music. It was really annoying since we'd worked hard to create a playlist that the volunteers would like. Also, I have been living in Georgia for 18 months and I listen to their music all day everyday, this was supposed to be a private party where we could listen to whatever we wanted.

Halloween costumes- Ghosts of sexy past

In both cases the problem came down to expectations. We were expecting one price and being forced to pay another, or we were expecting to have control over the music at our party and yet the locals decided they needed to intervene on our behalf to share their own music (their form of hospitality). In both of these situations I was fairly annoyed, but in both situations I had to temper my response and try to present it in a way that was soft and not off putting. Each time the response wasn't very effective. We still had to pay the higher price, and we still let them hijack our music. Managing your expectations has a lot to do with being resilient and having success- even if the expectation appears to be a new-brainer.

Pretty sunset always make life easier

There you have it, life is hard... However, life is good. I might get upset about how masculinity is presented/projected, how people drive, how many times I have to answer the same questions, how truthful I am allowed to be in answering said questions, the pressure of always being a representative of something larger than your individual self (your country per say), or how poorly my students are behaving at the lesson; yet, in the end life is still good. I am still learning so many things which are shaping my world views and outlook, I am meeting some truly inspiring people, and I am doing work which is having a positive benefit on the lives of the people I am attempting to assist. I am mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted but I am still glad to be here and I am having the time of my life, it's just good to note that it isn't always easy.

P.S. The rats above my ceiling must be the size of a small child because they are SOO noisy when they run around. Who knows what they are doing up there!