Creative Coping Strategies

I'm going to forgo the typical "what I did this week post" and instead talk about my experience here in the Peace Corps. Although if you want to know what my week was like I'll sum it up in a haiku for you:

Not much going on

Hot and sweaty every day

Weekends can be fun

I've realized that most of my posts are either a collection of stories or travel log of the previous week's events- very factual, not as emotional. I'm going to try to go a little bit deeper today and I'm not sure how it is going to turn out so (not to be cliche) please bear with me.

Contemplating life or just posing for a classic pic, you decide

Being in the Peace Corps is hard, however; it might not be hard for the reasons you are thinking. There is a stereotypical image that most people associate with Peace Corps, usually some African village, living in a hut, eating with your hands, and working with people who look like tribal warriors and have probably never seen an American before. Granted I am sure that this experience does exist somewhere for some volunteers, I am fairly confident in saying that it isn't the norm. A majority of Peace Corps volunteers have daily access to running water, internet, and other conveniences. What you eat, what your house is like, your access to modern conveniences, etc. these can all be challenges, but they are also really easy to adapt to. After a short time you realize that this is "just the way it is" and you just get used to it. 

More difficult are the social, mental, and emotional challenges that come your way. These are things that aren't normal for everyone else, they are the baggage that comes with being a transplant in a new world. These are the things that hit me this week. 

I reached a point this week where I felt like I was just going to lose it. I hadn't left the house all day, I had no plans, it was too hot to stand being outside, and by that evening I could've probably counted the words I'd spoken audibly on my fingers. I was not happy. I'm an extroverted person, I need human and social interaction and for various reasons I wasn't getting it. I felt like I was being restrained and I wasn't able to be me. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to visit someone who knew me and get lost in conversation. I wanted to feel comfortable. I wanted to relax. The problem was that I couldn't have what I wanted. 

Probably a good visual representation of my emotions

It is hard to really describe how I was feeling at that particular moment, but it was hard. I needed a release and all my usual go to methods were unavailable. This happens in Peace Corp. You often find yourself in uncomfortable or frustrating situations and you have to figure a new way out. For me in this moment it was going on a run. 

For anyone that doesn't know me well, this might sound like a perfectly normal thing, but for me it isn't. I hate running, when I run I do it on a treadmill. I do not run outside. I don't go on runs. I don't find it relaxing or soothing. I find it uncomfortable and it makes me way too hot and sweaty to possibly be happy. Needless to say, the decision to go on a run did not come naturally to me.

I put those headphones in and ran aimlessly away from my house. I ended up in a field near by and just followed any path I saw. I dogged cows and cow pies until I was alone. Then I stopped because I was out of breath, naturally. I continued walking and wandering for awhile. I was still feeling upset and angsty. I picked up the pace and just started to swing my arms, do some high knees and jump around. This went on for awhile until I stumbled upon a lake I hadn't known about before. The sun was setting in the distance and it reflected in the water before me. It was an amazing site that just caused me to stop, take a deep breath (still panting), and enjoy the moment. I found a moment of relaxation finally. 

My location of clarity

I wandered around the lake for awhile and then continued my run. This is one of those moments in life that I wish was recorded because if I were able to watch the scene as some invisible observer I am sure that I would be rolling on the floor laughing because of the sheer ridiculousness of the sight. Here was some weird looking foreigner, running through weeds along cow paths, jumping, punching the air, yelling, and altogether looking like an absolute lunatic. 

Eventually I made it back to a path I was semi familiar with and decided to just keep going (there were a lot of emotions that had been pent up for quite awhile). As I ran and attempted to regain composure I finally noticed that the clouds had gathered and it was starting to sprinkle. I was a couple miles from home by now and so I decided to keep going because I was closer to my fellow volunteer's house and I could possibly take shelter there. 

The scene quickly changed and I was not jogging/walking through muddy puddles and finally laughing at my ridiculous fortune. I just kept singing to my music- I'll admit I listened to Fight Song more than once while on this run. Eventually I made it to Randi's house and found some shelter, more importantly my anger/frustration/sadness/etc. was also all gone. 

I should probably clarify a few things- yes, I am mentally well; yes, I am glad to be here; no, this isn't a common occurrence; no, I'm not sure if I am going to take up running; and yes, I do eat ice cream everyday so I probably should run more. Overall things are going well for me, there is no need to worry. I just wanted to try and illustrate what this experience is like. It's not all adventure and changing the world. Just like so many other experiences in life, it is a roller coaster of highs and lows. I find a lot of joy in small things and I laugh and daily misfortunes and awkward moments quite regularly. I'm also sure that this isn't going to be the last time that I'm feeling like I'm on the edge of a breakdown. I'm still adjusting to this new life and trying to figure out how to find outlets to replace those I have lost. More walks to the beach are probably in order. 

I also got to explore this cave today so I can't complain about life. 

There you have it, my attempt at getting a little deeper in my blog. Send me an email or leave a message of facebook. Share your thoughts with me and let me know what else you want to know about my experience here or about Georgia- it's culture, people, etc. I'm more than happy to answer and continue sharing all of this with all of you!